Have You Join The 99 Club?

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was neither happy nor content.
  
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. 
This fascinated the King; why was he, the Supreme Ruler of the Land, unhappy and gloomy, while A lowly servant had so much joy. 
  
The King asked the servant, " Why are you so happy?" 


The man replied, " Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant. My family and I don't need too much - just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies." 

The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, " Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club." 
  
The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the King inquired. 
  
The advisor replied, " Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is,  place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant's doorstep."  
  
When the servant saw the bag, he took it into his house. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy... So many gold coins! He began to count them. After several counts, he was at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, " What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99 coins! " 
  
He looked everywhere he could, but that final coin was elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going to have to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and completehis collection.
  
From that day, the servant's life was changed. 
  
He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked. 
  
Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, " Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club. " He continued, 
  
" The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1 telling to themselves: -------*"Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life." 
  
We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we're given something bigger and better, we want even more! 
  
We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires. That's what joining The 99 Club is all about."

Bitter Truth !!!!!!!

If you cross the " The North Korean " border illegally, you get ..... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison .....

If you cross the " Iranian " border illegally, you get ..... detained indefinitely .....

If you cross the " Afghan " border illegally, you get ..... shot .....

If you cross the " Saudi Arabian " border illegally, you get ..... jailed .....

If you cross the " Chinese " border illegally, you get ..... kidnapped and may be never heard of - again .....

If you cross the " Venezuelan " border illegally, you get ..... branded as a spy and your fate sealed .....

If you cross the " Cuban " border illegally, you get ..... thrown into a political prison to rot .....

If you cross the " British " border illegally, you get ..... arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence .....

Now ..... if you were to cross the " Indian " border illegally, you get .....

1. A ration card

2. A passport ( even more than one - if you please ! )

3. A driver's licence

4. A voter identity card

5. Credit cards

6. A Haj subsidy

7. Job reservation

8. Special privileges for minorities

9. Government housing on subsidized rent

10. Loan to buy a house

11. Free education

12. Free health care

13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your " cause "

14. The right to talk about secularism, which you have not heard about in your own country !

15. And of-course ..... voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!! 

 

16. and right to fight election for MLA  or MP

  

Hats off ..... to the .....

A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians

B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force

C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here

D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system.
That's why people like Afzal Guru are still alive, same will happen with Kasab.

E. WE self centered Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to our own country.

F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings. 

Women are wiser than men

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Mollified, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God!' But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY:

I hope you know

Some nice Dilbert's One Liners

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 
  
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed. 
  
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce. 
  
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time. 
  
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane. 
  
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.. 
  
7. Born free, taxed to death. 
  
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. 
  
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. 
  
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. 
  
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants. 
  
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere. 
  
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork. 
  
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. 
  
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. 
  
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it. 
  
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills? 
  
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one? 
  
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush,leave work at noon! 
  
20. If you can't convince them,confuse them. 
  
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end. 
  
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. 
  
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers 
  
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker. 
  
25. Someday is not a day of the week 
  
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. 
  
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy. 
  
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction. 
  
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. 
  
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

Why do we shout in anger

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice?

 

Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
 

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.

Lawyers are too kind

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in  his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating  grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out  to investigate.
He asked one man 'Why are you eating  grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor  man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well,  then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the  lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children  with me. They are over there, under that tree'.
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other  poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
The  second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a  wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the  lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy  task, even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once  underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and  said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us  with you.'
The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll  really love my place; the grass is almost 1 metre  tall!'

Please do trust women

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.

They were unable to decide who would let go, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids and for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.

A touching story of a husband

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.

'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...

'I would have been released today.'

Tamil Jokes

Student: சுவாமிஜி  உலகம்  என்  இப்டி  சுத்துது ?

Swamiji: ஒரு  கோர்ட்டர் தண்ணி  அடிச்சா  மனுஷனே  சுத்தும் போது ,
3 கோர்ட்டர்  தண்ணி  இருக்குற  உலகம்  என்  சுத்த  கூடாது ?


**************


Wife: எங்க  இப்படியே  நான்  சமச்சி  போட்ட  எனக்கு  என்ன  கிடைக்கும்?



Husband: என்னோட  LIC பணம்  சீக்கரம்  கிடைக்கும் .

****************


பிகரோட  'பீச்'  மணல்ல  வீடு  கட்டி  விளையாடியதோட  அருமை,
பிகரோட  அண்ணன்  ரவுண்டு   கட்டி  அடிக்கும்  போது தான்  தெரியும்  . .


************


Man : எங்க  வீடுக்குள்ள  பாம்பு  வந்திடுச்சு  அப்புறம் பாம்பாட்டிய கூப்பிட்டு   அடிச்சோம்.

Sardar : அட  பாவிங்கள  பாம்பு  வந்ததுக்கு  பாம்பாட்டிய  ஏன்டா  அடிச்சிங்க.

Man : !!!!!!!!!!!


*************

ஒரு  கேர்ள்  ரோட்ல  தனியா  வரா.

Rowdy : என்னமா  கண்ணு  இப்படி  தனியா  வந்து  மாட்டிகிட்டியே  ?

Girl : கண்ணா  பிகரு தான்  கூட்டமா  வரும்,ITEM சிங்கிளா  தான்  வரும்.

**************

SARDAR DETECTIVE

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?'

The first Singh answers, 'That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!' The policeman says, 'Well...uh.. .that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.'

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
 

The second Singh smiles and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily responds, 

'What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?'

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, 'Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.' 

The Singh looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, 'The suspect wears contact lenses.' The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 

'Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.' He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
 

'Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contactlenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? '

'That's easy,' the Singh replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.'